People Partition

Ada 4 tipe orang diliat dari gaya kerjanya:
1. Orang yang mencintai pekerjaannya dan karena itu selalu antusias, keliatan hepi & bikin org2 sekitar jadi ketularan hepi.

2. Orang yang mencintai pekerjaannya, dan ngerasa dirinya hebat sampe bikin dia jd sombong. Yg begini biasanya disegenin sama orang. Kalo ngga perlu, mending jangan urusan deh sama dia daripada kena dibilang t*l*l.

3. Orang yang ngga mencintai pekerjaannya alias terpaksa, tapi sadar tanggung jawab & kewajiban. Kalo yg ini, bisa bikin org kasian, krn pasti sering tertekan.

4. Orang yang udah ngga mencintai pekerjaannya, ngga sadar tanggung jawab pula *gubrag*

Which one are you?

Political Thoughts

Speaking of politics... Hmm... susah dah kalo udah urusan yang beginian. The big W is for Why? Kenapa... Kenapa rasanya sebel waktu ngeliat orang laen naek pangkat? Kenapa rasanya ngga ada orang yang cocok buat naek pangkat? Bahkan gue juga ngga cocok. Ya iya lah, secara gue emang blom yakin gue niat ditaro di bawah lampu sorot, di panggung di mana gue masih ngerasa saltum alias salah kostum. Dan satu lagi, kenapa waktu pada akhirnya ada orang yang pantes, naek pangkat di depan mata gue, gue tetep aja ngga hepi dan awan mendung langsung ngumpul di atas kepala gue, lengkap sama petir n air hujannya. Pasti perasaan-perasaan sejenis tercampak, minder, kecewa, ngga puas, down, dkk pada nongol ngerubutin gue sampe rasanya sesak napas.

Well, dari 3 pertanyaan di atas, cuma satu sih yang mau g bahas. Yang lain cukup buat jadi bahan renungan aja. Buat pertanyaan nomor 1, kenapa sebel ngeliat org laen naek pangkat? Dia kan sebenernya ngga terlalu pinter. Hah? Dia? Kerjaannya kan ga penting banget! Emang dia udah berapa lama sih kerja di sini? Pasti si bos demen deh ama dia. Ya iya lahhh... secara dia pinter banget CM nya (Cari Muka-red). Analisa pun berlanjut. Kalo dipikir-pikir, emang bener kalo sukses itu didapet bukan sama yang paling pinter, tapi sama yang paling pengen. Meskipun g sering kebawa arus ikut-ikutan jadi Judge Bao, yang menilai orang laen dari kaca mata gue yang subjektif, kadang2 teringat juga sama gue hal-hal positif dari mereka yang g vonis ‘guilty as charged’. Paling enak kalo ngobrol ama temen yang bisa meng-‘amin’ kan semua omongan gue bo. Salah jadi bener, bener jadi salah, ngga ada yang tau. But on the other hand I realize, it’s their right you know, to want to look good before the bos, to aim for career movement, to establish a good reputation throughout the company, to play along in the political strategies required to promote them to higher positions, to wider influence. Gue rasa ngga adil juga kalo mau nge-judge mereka merely as suckers. Selama, apa yang mereka kerjakan, bisa bawa perubahan, yang baik tentunya. Mungkin gue kebetulan belom pernah punya kesempetan buat ngerasain servis mereka yang ok banget. Betapa hidup terasa lebih mudah dengan adanya mereka. Semua urusan beres n I don’t have to worry about a thing.

Anyway, karena gue ngga mau nyerocos ampe besok, intinya sih, buat yang sungguh2 berkarya dan pengen maju ke posisi-posisi atas, do go ahead n don’t mind our cynical and envious thoughts. Believe me, you don’t want to please everybody. But to those who think they can get away with the good reputation and excellent remuneration package without even care to make one damn good change through their works, watch your step, it might be slippery up there. And when u stumble, it’s just gonna be sooo far down...

Goof Morning

I need a meditation. Seriously. The morning just ain’t being friendly with me today. Udah ada firasat bakal sebel pagi2, padahal PMS udah lewat. Jadi g nyeduh kopi dulu n get prepared. Turned on my computer, check my mails, and there it was. NYEBELIN!!! Komentar2 bodoh which got on my nervous. This what freaked me out in the first place. Facing the facts that I’m not that good. I can bear the fact that I’m not good in anything else, but not this one. God… Do You really think this is gonna work? ‘Coz I feel desperate already… In fact, gue ga perlu nunggu komentar dari orang laen sih. I know I SUCK! Yang laen cuma bantuin g buat yakinin itu. And they succeeded. Voila! Here comes the goof.

And the stupid phone call. Errgghh, what is wrong with that cable guy? Guess not his morning either. But what do I care?
And another dumb comment. Oh, this one was really dumb it even made me felt better. Look, honey, if you don’t understand, like, your tiny little grey cells just can’t make it up there, just shut up will ya. It won’t be a discussion. It’s, obviously not for you. So, the hell with it.
Last but not least, have I done something to the gal? Well, she looked like she could use some fake smile or whatever, just to show a bit of sweetness to a colleague, who actually isn’t really crazy about her after all. But hey, I sense that. You have a problem with me? Hope that’s just my overly sensitive feelings.

I’m so tired of suppressing myself. But this is not enough. So, not enough…

To My Sister and Her Friend

I wanna say ‘Yep… I know how u feel’
But on second thought, no I don’t.
I wanna say, ‘Yeah, leave her alone in peace will ya?’
But I know how it must hurt.
So, I guess I’ll just leave ‘em alone
We already have our own struggles.

The Ghouls

There’s a growing distance that keeps haunting me
And it pulls out my energy
Blacken the ceilings and the wall around me
Blocks the light away from my sight
Oh, how I fall, and fall to the ground
And sink down, so down under…

I try to grasp back my sanity
My faith, my soul,
Afraid that they would forsake me,
The ghoul I have become.

With every last breath I possess
Grabbing those pictures from my sinking mind
Of those my fellow ghouls
Who have fallen before I do
But had resurrected somehow
The mourning lady
The boy with his pen in the barn
The bereaved lover who died young
Oh, do remind me.
Of you.

Ugly Duckling

Yep, that’s how I feel right now, like an ugly duckling, stuck in the family of geese. While the rest of the family members are swimming and showing off their beautiful white feathers, I sit in the corner, and wonder why I feel so wrongly dressed.

My mother goose, pretty and kind, never stops believing in me. She taught me how to dance, to swim and be attractive, like my fellow geese are. Life was challenging around the neighborhood, for them. For me? It’s just another day worth passing. I woke up early in the morning, do what I have to do and go home to my corner where all the wrong ideas have dwelled.

At night I think, and think, and think. Is there an alien out there somewhere who can understand what I feel right now. I’m not into dancing. I hate the idea of exhausting myself swimming the great distance, and obviously, I am not attractive. So what is it then? There’s this particular dream that sneaks into my sleep at night. In that dream, I don’t swim and I don’t dance. I float. High above the water. And my neighborhood looks so tiny and of less importance.

Soon enogh, my fellow geese have moved to other parts of the neighborhood, with their spouses. They earn better living; swim wider and more beautiful lakes. With pain, I split and left my neighborhood with a hope to soar, like in my dream.

I’m seeking now, for the aliens who’d teach me how to soar.
And still dreaming…

Hidden Treasure

U know what???
Ngebetein bgt waktu tau kalo kenaikan gaji taon ini ternyata sedikit bgt, jauh dari ekspektasi g. Begitu juga ama bonus yang kecantikan angkanya yg imut2 itu bikin g pengen ngelempar LCD komputer n semua ATK g ke jendela, biar orang2 pada heboh. As if, kalo g marah alias ngamuk, kenaikan gaji n bonus yg udah ditetapin pake memorandum dengan tinta darah para direktur bisa berobah. Oh, come on! For the sake of my future, let the anger just live in my imagination. I mean, apa jadinya kalo LCD g lempar ke jendela, secara jendela di kantor g pasti nempel sama meja pegawai laen, or at least ama MFD yg harganya entah berapa kali gaji gue sebulan. Rasanya pengen tereak “It’s not GODDAMNED fair!!!”, tapi masalahnya g ngga tau mo tereak ke siapa? Bos2 g? Well, spt halnya g, mereka juga cuma pegawai di institusi tak bernyawa ini. Kecuali dalam hal posisi, fasilitas, tanggung jawab n gaji pokok, mereka sama2 ngalamin kenaikan gaji n bonus seiprit juga, meski jelas itungan matematikanya bakal beda hasilnya.

Intinya, yang bikin g paling ngerasa pengen marah adl kenyaataan bhw there’s no damn thing I can do to change this corporate decision about salary increment. Truth does hurt. It’s not the company’s fault. No matter how much I wish I can blame it for this.

Dan sekarang g harus ambil cermin, dan ngaca. Apa selama ini gue udah ngasih yg terbaik dari gue? Kalo emang belom, hak apa yg gue punya buat nge-claim yang terbaik juga buat gue? I know this fact since the pre-historic times, but I guess up to now, I haven’t really succeeded in bringing the best of me for me.

What am I waiting for then? Must dig deeper to bring out my own hidden treasure, ‘coz I can merely hope or pray (without being dissapointed if it never happens) that others will give me their treasure... What are u kiddin’ me??

Office Sweet Office

Hari ini satu lagi acara perpisahan buat temen kantor di divisi gue. Ngga sedih sih, secara dia mo pindah ke tempat yg pastinya lebih baik. Bukannya mo bilang tempat yg sekarang ngga baik lho. Anyway, ngeliat beberapa temen-temen yang deket sama dia pada terharu n cedih krn mesti berpisah sama dia, gue baru ngeh kalo ternyata tanpa sadar kita udah attached satu sama laen. I may not share the same blue feeling like them because I work in a different team and sit a bit far away from her. G cuma lagi ngebayangin, gmn nanti kalo salah satu dr temen deket g di ktr yg mo resign. Misalnya temen ngocol g tiap hari, or temen satu team g. Hmm... I must end up crying a river.

So far, terus terang g enjoy nangkring di kantor 9 jam sehari. Reasons? Well, kursi gue lumayan enak didudukin, ngga bikin pinggang mo putus. Layar kompi g juga boleh dibilang keren, LCD. AC nya adem, meskipun kadang dinginnya kelewatan. Kadang g masih suka amazed ngeliatin pemandangan sky scrappers dari jendela gedung kantor g (maklum dulu2 kerjanya di kampung). Bos g, boleh dibilang bos impian, meskipun blom sampe level too good to be true. Enak diajak kerja, enak diajak temenan. Temen-temen kantor g, mantep. Nano-nano, banyak macemnya. Dari yang culun ampe yang keren. Biar sesekali bikin gondok or keki, but they make my days, big time. Dengan kegokilan mereka, selera humor yg seger, n gaya mereka yang apa adanya, ga pake maksa or jaim. I just feel like home there. Really. So, thank you friends, thank you bos, and thank you office, for making the work bearable and enjoyable each day.

You Can't Reap What You Never Sow

Awas karma!

Gitu kata orang2 buat ngingetin temennya atau sodaranya atau anak-anaknya supaya mereka ngga berbuat sesuatu yang bikin susah orang lain. Supaya di kemudian hari, mereka juga ngga dibuat susah sama orang lain.
Karma itu, kira-kira mirip sama ‘siapa menabur, dia menuai’. Sederhananya, apa yang kita perbuat hari ini nantinya akan kembali lagi ke kita. What goes around comes around, gitu kata lagunya Justin Timberlake.

Intinya sih buat kebaikan, tapi beberapa orang bikin interpretasi liar yang kemudian nyasar alias salah kaprah.
Some people become soooo darn afraid with the side effect of their doings that they always think a thousand times before making a single decision.
Beberapa, ketika dihadapkan pada pilihan yang sulit, akan memutuskan untuk ngga ngambil keputusan apa-apa dan akhirnya cuma jalan di tempat, maju mundur ngga keruan. Takut kalau-kalau pilihannya salah dan nantinya didatangi hantu masa lalu bernama Penyesalan. So there they go, to the land of the indefinite, walking somewhere between ‘to be or not to be’. Mereka jaga jarak yang luar biasa aman dengan kesalahan, even the smallest ones. They laugh at mistakes made by others, blame them for the terrible things that may come as the consequences.

Sayangnya, orang-orang itu lupa kalau lewat kesalahan, datanglah pengalaman-pengalaman berharga yang kadang ngga ternilai harganya. Maka sementara mereka berbangga diri karena ngga pernah bikin salah, yang lain mulai kaya dengan pengalaman berharga after the hard times, repairing all that went wrong.

For these mistakes paranoid, I have one thing to tell you, It is true that you reap what you sow. but I also believe that you cannot reap what you never sow. Gara-gara ngga berani nyoba, jadi miskin pengalaman, gara-gara takut salah, pikiran jadi kerdil dan hidup jadi monoton, kurang arti.

Dear fellows, live your life courageously, and when you do make mistakes, just admit them, then repair it. There you will sow a tremendous, valuable life experience worth the harshness.