Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Once When I Was Loved


Listening to the old ballads, I found myself again…
That part of me that is sane, and unbroken…
I had a life once. Before I became the one I am today.
Look… that’s me with the gals, we were single and free.
In our hearts were friendships, and dreams of tomorrow…
It was as simple as struggles among math, chemistry and physics
And a little bit of crush for a boy at a time…
The only desires were holding hands, walking home together, and sitting side by side
But the most important things were quality time with the gals, with whom I felt accepted, and normal.
Medication and Teenage Dirt Bag were the songs. They were our affirmation, that we were alright. That we weren’t freaks. Or unwanted aliens.
Those days… where imagination flourished like tall grass in the deep woods. When the days were long. And the nights were young..
T’was the time, where expectations were great, but not harmful. T’was the moment where I felt good about myself. I knew I was different, but in a good way. I was special.
Make believe is the thing that kept me through my days. It’s so amazing how easy it was to imagine things. To be happy just by imagining happy things…
Ah, those moments… those winning moments…
What have happened in between? It’s so… empty now. Is the sun setting on me already?
Is this as far as I can go?
As if imaginations have run dry. I’ve seen all the facts there is to see… And expectations turn into the devil who haunts my days, relentlessly attempting to snatch my peace of mind…
The happiness of a child… I’d give anything to have it. If only I could turn back time. Or if I could run away from these ugly truth, go back to the fantasies where fairies are real and a prince charming is waiting to take my hand for a happily ever after…