Wednesday, April 29, 2020

Once When I Was Loved


Listening to the old ballads, I found myself again…
That part of me that is sane, and unbroken…
I had a life once. Before I became the one I am today.
Look… that’s me with the gals, we were single and free.
In our hearts were friendships, and dreams of tomorrow…
It was as simple as struggles among math, chemistry and physics
And a little bit of crush for a boy at a time…
The only desires were holding hands, walking home together, and sitting side by side
But the most important things were quality time with the gals, with whom I felt accepted, and normal.
Medication and Teenage Dirt Bag were the songs. They were our affirmation, that we were alright. That we weren’t freaks. Or unwanted aliens.
Those days… where imagination flourished like tall grass in the deep woods. When the days were long. And the nights were young..
T’was the time, where expectations were great, but not harmful. T’was the moment where I felt good about myself. I knew I was different, but in a good way. I was special.
Make believe is the thing that kept me through my days. It’s so amazing how easy it was to imagine things. To be happy just by imagining happy things…
Ah, those moments… those winning moments…
What have happened in between? It’s so… empty now. Is the sun setting on me already?
Is this as far as I can go?
As if imaginations have run dry. I’ve seen all the facts there is to see… And expectations turn into the devil who haunts my days, relentlessly attempting to snatch my peace of mind…
The happiness of a child… I’d give anything to have it. If only I could turn back time. Or if I could run away from these ugly truth, go back to the fantasies where fairies are real and a prince charming is waiting to take my hand for a happily ever after…

Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Ten Thousand Reasons


Where have I been?
My source of strength is right here with me all these times
What is it that upsets me?
That I forget to count my abundant blessings
Have I been distracted from my ultimate goal?
That I let the worries of the world haunt my sleeps at night
Oh what a shame, my soul…
You just fell for the umpteenth time
It’s indeed some rocky roads…
Yet worry not my soul
For His arms are never too far to reach you
Just in time…
And so I bend down my knees
To worship His kindness
And for ten thousand reasons He is worthy of
He, who puts His faith in me
Even in my darkest moments

Sunday, June 16, 2019

A Priest Walks into a Bar

Lucifer                  : Please tell me you didn't come out here to talk to Him.
Father Frank         : God?  This is as good a spot as any.
Lucifer                  : (laughs) Right. Does He, uh... does He ever talk back?
Father Frank         : I don't need to hear Him to... hear Him. If you know what I mean.
Lucifer                  : Well, yes, He never talks to me, either. Listen, um... sorry about the altar boy. Surely you know you're not to blame. I mean, some people are just... beyond saving.
Father Frank         : That's where you're wrong. There's still hope for him.
Lucifer                  : He shot up your church, he's most likely running a drug ring behind your back, and, oh, yes, killed a man.
Father Frank         : I don't believe that.
Lucifer                  : Look, what if it's true?
Father Frank         : Then he needs me even more.
Lucifer                  : How can you still have faith in this boy?
Father Frank         : God has faith in him. In all of us. Even in our darkest moments.
Lucifer                  : Oh, you really believe that.
Father Frank         : I do. Why don't you?
Lucifer                  : Because He didn't have faith in me.
Father Frank         : I felt that way once, too. But now I know, deep in my heart, God has a plan for me.
Lucifer                  : Oh, His plan for me was quite clear.
Father Frank             : How do you know it's finished?


Taken from Lucifer season 1 episode 9 

Thursday, January 3, 2019

Lesson of Sadness



Hari ini gw belajar, bahwa ngga semua seperti yang kita pikir
It’s even totally different at times
Mata manusia itu 90% buta, Cuma bisa liat yang pengen dia liat. Mungkin lebih melek orang buta karena mereka ngga dibikin bias ama penglihatan mereka.
Absence of sight sharpen the other senses
Percayalah, pikiran jelek itu datengnya dari si iblis
Thus positive and kind thoughts come from the Holy Spirit
Tapi pilihannya udah dikasih ke kita…
Kadang yang kita pikir jelek, ngga sejelek yang kita pikir
Vise versa. Yang kita pikir baik, pada akhirnya ngga sebaik yang kita pikir
Manusia itu sama aja di mana-mana. Full of weaknesses, just like me, like you, like them
Cuma kadang2, yang satu seringan keliatan jeleknya daripada bagusnya. Mungkin karena kebetulan dapet exposure nya begitu.
But bottom line, they’re all the same. Merely sinful human beings.
What make a difference are only our choices, our decisions, and to whom we believe in.
The choice to stay true, not to be reactive to everything that’s going on around us
And the decision to put our every problem into the hands of the Lord, instead of act on it by ourselves.

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Berbahagialah yang Tidak Melihat Namun Percaya


Karena percaya itu ada di sini (hati)
Dalam roh yang ada di atas badan dan jiwa ini
Dalam keheningan dan kegelapan yang memisahkanku dari semuanya
Dari jalan-jalan bercabang dan berliku
Yang dirancang pikiran-pikiran kecil tapi angkuh
Di sini, dalam pusat keheningan kupejamkan mataku…
Hingga tak lagi memandang
Semua yang hanya ilusi dan tak berarti
Di sini, dalam kegelapan jiwaku yang merana ingin percaya
Bak liang kecil yang ingin memuat seisi samudera
Alangkah mustahil
Alangkah gila…
Kebodohan atau khayalan tak berdasar
Di manakah keteguhan? Saat ilusi tercabik, dan tabir misteri tak terungkap bagi mata
Yang memandang namun tak melihat…
Dan ketika semuanya menjadi tak lagi berarti
Luluh lantak tanpa makna
Hanya satu yang kupinta
Percaya…

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Nararya Sangramawijaya


Dan imaji tentang kemegahan serta keelokan mu tak juga murca dalam pikiranku

Seolah dipatri ke dinding-dinding dalam kepalaku, 

Sapak tempuhmu yang penuh liku

Namun tak kunjung padam wibawa dan kearifanmu

Meski tak terpisah samudera, 

Kita terpisah jarak yang hanya cahaya kartika di langit yang mampu menandai

Kalau kubisa… ingin kusebrangi batasan dimensi waktu

'Tuk berjumpa dengan sosokmu

Mendengar sapamu yang hangat 

Bak sinar mentari yang menyembul dari balik Mahameru

Menyimak parasmu yang kerap larut dalam pemikiranmu 

Yang menerawang melampaui langkah-langkah masa

Menyaksikan kegagahan dan keberanianmu 

Membela idealisme negeri yang senantiasa kau dekap dalam relung sanubarimu

Kau, yang telah menjadi penanda kelahiran suatu jaman besar di untaian sejarah di khatulistiwa

Kini membeku di balik puing-puing candi dan arca mu

Seolah kehidupan yang pernah kau sentuh tak pernah menggariskan makna dan arti…

Hanya goresan-goresan buram pada lempeng-lempeng batu dan lembaran serat dedaunan 

Yang menyimpan bukti-bukti kejayaan dan keharuman namamu…

Yang kemudian membuatku bagai tersihir, 

Mencari dan mencari… jejak dan bayanganmu yang tersisa, 

'Tuk kugenggam dan kujadikan prasasti,

Tuk mengingatkanku akan para insan 

Yang dituntun oleh garis takdir 

Menjadi contoh panutan bagi jiwa yang haus, 

Yang merindukan kekalahan para lalim di tangan kebajikan...

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Truce

Dear my old enemy,

Dr. Seus said, "sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."
Tonight, this quote reminded me of you. The one I once despiced so much 'till I swore to run away as far as I can once I had my chance.
I had it, and I did run away...

Now I miss the hustle and bustle, the pressure and the burdens you got me into...
That was the moment when I eventually know how far I could be stretched. How the pressure had provoked my potentials into performance.

Thank you old enemy of mine, for giving me the exposures, ones I didn't prefer at first but then enriched my experience and knowledge.

So then, it's a truce?
Yeah. I guess. But I still hope we will never again have any professional relationships.
I'll just treasure you in my memory. God bless you, wherever you are.