Which one is more boring?
I really don’t have the answer to that question. But maybe, it
depends on how intriguing is the writing. How the words and sentences intertwine
and provoke inspirations and ideas thus conjure an enjoyable moment of
enlightenment.
I don’t have enough time to go through a fiction with
sufficient quality nowadays, though I miss it so much ‘till my bones ache
sometimes…
But I need to write. To keep my sanity.
It’s Christmas. And the weather is far from snowing. It’s
probably 38 degrees Celsius out there.
It’s Christmas, and it has always been a burden. Christmas
means jingle bells. Presents. Festive dinner. Laughter with friends and family
members.
But down here… everything is just… ordinary.
No glittering trees.
No turkey.
No laughter…
The only festive thing for me at Christmas is the Christmas
vigil mass. And that’s it. A couple of hours where I can enjoy the peaceful
moment of Christmas. No burden. Just the liturgy, the choir, the psalms, the
holy communion, and last but not least, the sermon from the priest.
Ah… the priest. That guy is somewhat a wonder for me. He
makes me think deeply and question my fleshly constraints. He has an incredibly
charming physical appearance. Coincidentally my type. And my sisters’ (LOL).
It’s quite annoying for me to face the fact that he’s
actually many women’s type. And I mean, many… many women. Young and old, single
and married. Pretty insane indeed.
And every time I attend his service, I get all messed up
with curiosity and desire of knowing him further. I began to wonder why a totally handsome man like him doesn’t have the vocation to build a family of his own.
You know, living a normal life, dating pretty girls, making out, get married
and get laid, raising children and wish you were dead every once in a while.
In the contrary… he seems to have a different mindset. A little
further away from the mainstream. And the questions start bugging me. Like, is
he gay? A woman broke his heart severely that it couldn’t heal anymore? Does he
simply have a vision about what kind of hell hole a marriage life can be? Or,
the last alternative that I can think of, he really is called from the very
first place. I’m a believer, so I do believe in fate. God has chosen him,
called him, and made him His apostle.
So, what’s it like to be called by the Father, father?
Does
He tell you what to do each day?
How do you know His plans and designs for you?
Does He touch your heart in a way that words fail to describe?
What is He like
in your mind’s eyes?
Through your long journey of study, you may have the big
picture already, about Him. That same God who called me also, but through a
different path.
How does He sound? Like thunder? Or breeze?
You seem so devout father. You believe not only in those
written in the Holy Scriptures, but in all the teachings of the church and the
saints. Have you unveiled the big mystery of this universe father?
When was the first time you hear His calling?
Does it hurt you father, having to fight your flesh each and
every day?
How do you deal with those who covet you inappropriately?
Does it break you to embrace Him unconditionally while
witnessing all the gruesome works of this world?
I envy you father. And I fell asleep with that envy last
night. I wonder if God has a plan to cross our paths. I’ve been trying to reach
you virtually but no doors seemed to be opened. I wonder if you would share
what your spirit has encountered.
May I see God through your eyes?
May I hear
Him through your ears?
May I feel Him through your heart?
This is beyond material world father. It’s my spirit, trying
to connect with yours...
Anyway father, thank you for your short yet sweet message for
us all last night at the mass. Like always, you have me at every speech.
And so the cheers and happiness of Christmas doesn’t mean
that we deny our problems and struggles. But it is due to knowing that within
those everyday struggles, God is born. He has come, to stay and be with us all
through our journey. Emmanuel.
