The Regret

One day, somewhere I no longer remember, I read about this: After God created mankind, He regretted…

Already a catholic that day, I wondered, was that true? God regretted His work in the creation of men? Are we so hideous that our Creator feels He has made a mistake? Can He make any mistakes? The most divine, the most righteous one…

It was disturbing indeed. But I chose not to be bothered too much and made a simple conclusion for the sake of my peace of mind. Maybe it was just another way of saying that God was sad seeing how people have sinned. How people have hurt each other. How there’re so many sufferings in this world caused by mankind… And that the passage was intended for the readers to pray and always strive to be better persons.

I have held onto this for some time. 

Until today…

It’s the time of lent, and by His grace I get to reflect His divine misery and death on the cross.

The Omnipotent God, invincible and infinite in His nature, has decided to become like His creation to feel our pain and suffering. 

Why? 

He doesn’t have to do it at all. 

Moreover, He doesn’t deserve it at all.

He has created mankind with love. To share His glory in eternal happiness, only… with full consent. 

He wanted us to love Him by choice. Not out of unconsciousness.

On the other side, the jealous ones, those who finally fall from grace, despise God’s idea to take humans - these lowly creatures - to be united with Him in the Kingdom. They just can’t take it and decide they must do something about it. Being much more superior creatures, they know exactly our weaknesses and limitations. Thus they start spreading deceptions so we won’t succeed in entering the Kingdom they have been expelled from.

The free will God has given us is now used to harm us, to keep us away from God.

And so I think, this is why God regrets…

He is love, and all things good.

He created mankind for love, and now they are being swindled by the enemy to fall to the other side and be separated from Him forever…

This is His ultimate regret. 

As Jesus tried to make us understand through His parables, the love God has for mankind that has been created according to His own image, surpasses any fathers’ love for their flesh and blood on earth. This divine love can’t and won’t let His children be dragged to destruction just like that. So He sent His only begotten Son. As C.S. Lewis once told us in one of his books, God writes Himself into the story He creates. A plot twist that leads to the salvation of mankind.

Happy Lent.

Wake Up Call

Liat berita di TV pagi-pagi, lagi-lagi kasus anak bunuh ibunya.

Satan is working hard indeed.

And they talked about mental health. People’s organization. Government involvement in families.

I tell you what they need. They need Jesus the living God to have mercy on them.

They need to be told the Truth. They need to know who is working on them, and for what purpose.

Satan, that good for nothing, is working to get their asses down to hell with him.

‘Cause he just can’t bear the fact that God is calling men and women to Heaven to be happy with Him forever. While he will forever rot in hell.

If only they knew what hell is… If only they knew God is opening His Home for everyone for free… And the only thing that made them fail to see this is because Satan keeps lying and lying, and they believe his craps.

Dissolved in Your Glory

Forgive me if this is inappropriate…

Since you are so much more than an established and perfect gentleman

And you possess all the wealth and the power

Your wisdom is beyond people’s petty comprehension and intelligence

You are adored and devoted by so many…

So many, they have left their everything behind for you…

Yet I’m here in my room alone

Thinking of your majestic smile

And your eye-gaze that dissolve my whole being

And in my mind you shine bright like the sun

But it doesn’t burn

Instead, its rays of light infiltrate into every cell of my body

And I succumb to it in an indescribable joy as I turn my eyes on you

How I want to catch your light…

But I know I am merely dirt before you

I can never contain your beauty…

 

So here I am…

Imagining you…

With this piece of piano tunes

That knocks me out of my flesh and bones

Love Your Enemy

How do you do that?

Love your enemy. Really?

It’s even nearly impossible not to imagine grabbing the hair of those teens who just couldn't queue properly on the way to the train station upstairs.

For such a small matter, I hate them instantly. I don’t even know them.

‘Love your enemy’ is one of many teachings of Jesus that I still don’t understand. Because I haven’t found any ways to put it into practice. How can I? Surely, it doesn’t make any sense. I tried imagining it several times. Tried to remember my past conflicts with others, looking for some situation that might suit the context. Was I ever, in my experience, mad/ angry to someone but love him/ her at the same time? Did I ever dislike someone but like him/ her at the same time?

The first question is easier to answer. Yes, I can be mad at my daughter, but it doesn’t mean I hate her. I’m mad for a reason at a given time, for some mistakes she made that were unpleasant for me. But I never hate her for that. But of course this can’t be considered loving my enemy. No sane mothers hate their children. 

So, who’s my enemy? 

Someone who hurt me, either physically or mentally... Someone who trespassed against me. Someone who hates me…

Well… it’s not hard to come up with a list of names who have hurt my feelings. Some of them are still in my life. But most of them are not. For some of those who are still in my life, I may have forgiven them. But I’m not sure if I love them. Most probably I only cope with them because I still need them. Somehow I managed to forget their wrongdoings, and not think about them. They don’t occupy my heart or my mind. And I don’t believe that’s love…

See? I couldn’t find it. 

It’s just not human… If you think of it as a mere human being…

It takes more than just humanity. It takes a divinity.

The same divinity that enables the late Pope John Paul to forgive and pray for the man who tried to assassinate him.

A song title came to my mind. The Power of Love by Celine Dion.

“...Whenever you reach for me

I'm gonna do all that I can

We're heading for something

Somewhere I've never been

Sometimes I am frightened but I'm ready to learn

of the power of love..”

Well, isn’t that something? 

If God asks me to love my enemy, and I answer, guess He’ll grant me that crucial power of love. So maybe, all we need to do, if we sincerely want to love others who have hurt us, simply ask the Lord to give us the capacity. 

Like I said, it’s not human. 

It’s divine. It doesn’t come from this world.

Breaking the Lies

Oh how I feel more and more separated from this world…

And the more I am isolated, the more I realize by the grace of God, how wrong things are.

All the popular concepts about personal wellbeing are total garbage.. 

Me time. Love yourself. Follow your heart. Find your happiness. 

They are nothing but dirt and toxins for the soul and spirit.

It’s not about ‘me time’. It’s time spent with God, when we read the Holy Scriptures, when we pray, and ultimately when we celebrate the eucharist that matters. The time spent with Him is our ultimate source of strength in our daily battles. 

The gospel of Matthew said ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind… and… Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.’ There is no ‘love yourself’ anywhere in the gospel.

Self love is the pioneer of selfishness and pride. Remember, it was pride that turned an angel into a demon. 

Follow Jesus instead of our heart ‘For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander’ (Matt 15:19).

And following Jesus means only these two things: denial of ourselves and carrying our crosses. Cross is the symbol of suffering. Our lives on earth can not be separated from daily toils which we need to embrace. So, it’s not about pursuing our happiness, my friend. Our happiness may cause sadness for others. We can be happy for all the wrong reasons and with all the wrong ways.

Those concepts may seem harmless and good. Just like the enemy wants it to be…

The father of all lies knows the humans’ weaknesses all too well. His only mission is to distance us from God. He can’t stand the idea of mankind going to Heaven to meet God. Clearly it’s the privilege he doesn’t have. 

Mary and the Empty Tomb

Easter Sunday was 2 days behind. So this week is called Easter Octave…

Today’s bible reading is about Jesus’ empty tomb, found by Mary Magdalene. I found something interesting in one of the passages, the one which told us that Mary, in her deep grief from the Lord’s death, came to His tomb which was already empty. Apostle John wrote: So Mary Magdalene stood by the tomb and wept. She wept, realizing that she had lost Jesus. Even it was just His lifeless body, she felt a great loss, again… Mary must have been so attached to Jesus, she didn’t want to be separated from Him, even from His corpse…

She immediately became convinced that Jesus’ body had been snatched away and hidden somewhere else. Even after the resurrected Jesus greeted her and asked her who was it that she was looking for, she was unable to recognize Him due to her emotional condition. She kept repeating her conviction that the Lord’s body had been taken away and now she was left clueless about its whereabouts.  

At that point, Jesus who understood Mary’s heart finally decided to open her eyes by calling her, by her name. 

Maybe... a few years before that day in front of the empty tomb, Jesus had reached out to Mary one day. The lost Mary. The doomed Mary, ready to be another soul dragged to hell by the enemies. But Jesus, the good shepherd had descended from Heaven looking for His lost lambs, and He recognize one when He encountered one… He then called her Mary of Magdala. He had called her by her name and claimed her as His, leaving the enemy with a bitter defeat right in the face.

“Mary,” called Jesus. And Mary was taken to that exact moment of her salvation. So it went, she became one of the first witnesses of Jesus’ resurrection from death.

It’s funny how we are so much like Mary Magdalene. So busy with our own turmoil. We say we believe in Christ, in His great love and salvation. But our earthly body just can’t resist to react towards the earthly situations. When things go wrong (which is always and certainly), we as humans have to deal with our emotions. With our feelings. And with our thoughts. For a moment, we forget His voice. We maybe praying and calling out to Him for help. But our emotions and thoughts are like thick fog barricading us from recognizing His voice. We hold on tight to what we think is really happening, to what we think is true... Our focus is at the storm...

But the good news is: Jesus won’t just stand there and watch us being drifted away by our weaknesses.  

At the right moment, He will call us by our names like He had called Mary in front of His empty tomb… thus we will once again be His witness, spreading the word…

Have a blessed Easter Octave.

God has risen. Alleluia.

Once When I Was Loved

Listening to the old ballads, I found myself again…

That part of me that is sane, and unbroken…

I had a life once. Before I became the one I am today.

Look… that’s me with the gals, we were single and free.

In our hearts were friendships, and dreams of tomorrow…

It was as simple as struggles among math, chemistry and physics

And a little bit of crush for a boy at a time…

The only desires were holding hands, walking home together, and sitting side by side

But the most important things were quality time with the gals, with whom I felt accepted, and normal.

Medication and Teenage Dirt Bag were the songs. They were our affirmation, that we were alright. That we weren’t freaks. Or unwanted aliens.

Those days… where imagination flourished like tall grass in the deep woods. When the days were long. And the nights were young..

T’was the time, where expectations were great, but not harmful. T’was the moment where I felt good about myself. I knew I was different, but in a good way. I was special.

Make believe is the thing that kept me through my days. It’s so amazing how easy it was to imagine things. To be happy just by imagining happy things…

Ah, those moments… those winning moments…

What have happened in between? It’s so… empty now. Is the sun setting on me already?

Is this as far as I can go?

As if imaginations have run dry. I’ve seen all the facts there is to see… And expectations turn into the devil who haunts my days, relentlessly attempting to snatch my peace of mind…

The happiness of a child… I’d give anything to have it. If only I could turn back time. Or if I could run away from these ugly truth, go back to the fantasies where fairies are real and a prince charming is waiting to take my hand for a happily ever after…

Ten Thousand Reasons

Where have I been?

My source of strength is right here with me all these times

What is it that upsets me?

That I forget to count my abundant blessings

Have I been distracted from my ultimate goal?

That I let the worries of the world haunt my sleeps at night

Oh what a shame, my soul…

You just fell for the umpteenth time

It’s indeed some rocky roads…

Yet worry not my soul

For His arms are never too far to reach you

Just in time…

And so I bend down my knees

To worship His kindness

And for ten thousand reasons He is worthy of

He, who puts His faith in me

Even in my darkest moments

A Priest Walks into a Bar

Lucifer                  : Please tell me you didn't come out here to talk to Him.

Father Frank         : God?  This is as good a spot as any.

Lucifer                  : (laughs) Right. Does He, uh... does He ever talk back?

Father Frank         : I don't need to hear Him to... hear Him. If you know what I mean.

Lucifer                  : Well, yes, He never talks to me, either. Listen, um... sorry about the altar boy. Surely you know you're not to blame. I mean, some people are just... beyond saving.

Father Frank         : That's where you're wrong. There's still hope for him.

Lucifer                  : He shot up your church, he's most likely running a drug ring behind your back, and, oh, yes, killed a man.

Father Frank         : I don't believe that.

Lucifer                  : Look, what if it's true?

Father Frank         : Then he needs me even more.

Lucifer                  : How can you still have faith in this boy?

Father Frank         : God has faith in him. In all of us. Even in our darkest moments.

Lucifer                  : Oh, you really believe that.

Father Frank         : I do. Why don't you?

Lucifer                  : Because He didn't have faith in me.

Father Frank         : I felt that way once, too. But now I know, deep in my heart, God has a plan for me.

Lucifer                  : Oh, His plan for me was quite clear.

Father Frank             : How do you know it's finished?


Taken from Lucifer season 1 episode 9 

Lesson of Sadness

Hari ini gw belajar, bahwa ngga semua seperti yang kita pikir

It’s even totally different at times

Mata manusia itu 90% buta, Cuma bisa liat yang pengen dia liat. Mungkin lebih melek orang buta karena mereka ngga dibikin bias ama penglihatan mereka.

Absence of sight sharpen the other senses

Percayalah, pikiran jelek itu datengnya dari si iblis

Thus positive and kind thoughts come from the Holy Spirit

Tapi pilihannya udah dikasih ke kita…

Kadang yang kita pikir jelek, ngga sejelek yang kita pikir

Vise versa. Yang kita pikir baik, pada akhirnya ngga sebaik yang kita pikir

Manusia itu sama aja di mana-mana. Full of weaknesses, just like me, like you, like them

Cuma kadang2, yang satu seringan keliatan jeleknya daripada bagusnya. Mungkin karena kebetulan dapet exposure nya begitu.

But bottom line, they’re all the same. Merely sinful human beings.

What make a difference are only our choices, our decisions, and to whom we believe in.

The choice to stay true, not to be reactive to everything that’s going on around us

And the decision to put our every problem into the hands of the Lord, instead of act on it by ourselves.

Berbahagialah yang Tidak Melihat Namun Percaya

Karena percaya itu ada di sini (hati)

Dalam roh yang ada di atas badan dan jiwa ini

Dalam keheningan dan kegelapan yang memisahkanku dari semuanya

Dari jalan-jalan bercabang dan berliku

Yang dirancang pikiran-pikiran kecil tapi angkuh

Di sini, dalam pusat keheningan kupejamkan mataku…

Hingga tak lagi memandang

Semua yang hanya ilusi dan tak berarti

Di sini, dalam kegelapan jiwaku yang merana ingin percaya

Bak liang kecil yang ingin memuat seisi samudera

Alangkah mustahil

Alangkah gila…

Kebodohan atau khayalan tak berdasar

Di manakah keteguhan? Saat ilusi tercabik, dan tabir misteri tak terungkap bagi mata

Yang memandang namun tak melihat…

Dan ketika semuanya menjadi tak lagi berarti

Luluh lantak tanpa makna

Hanya satu yang kupinta

Percaya…